


Demons Took Them Away

by lipah



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Parent/Child Incest, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-02-05 07:27:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1810222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lipah/pseuds/lipah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>November 2nd, 1983.</p><p>Dean wakes up to screaming downstairs. He gets out of his bed, grabs his toy gun, and runs down the stairs. He plasters himself against the wall, and peeks around the corner, like he’s seen in movies. All he sees is his daddy is crying by the front door.</p><p>A different version of Dean's life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Demons Took Them Away

**Author's Note:**

> Update: 12/08/2014
> 
> I reread the story, and tried to find some of the more obvious mistakes I had made. =)

November 2nd, 1983.  
Dean wakes up to screaming downstairs. He gets out of his bed, grabs his toy gun, and runs down the stairs. He plasters himself against the wall, and peeks around the corner, just like he’s seen in movies. All he sees is his daddy crying by the front door. He’s all slumped over, and on his knees. Dean’s never seen his daddy cry. His daddy told him that there was nothing in the world sad enough to make boys cry. Dean puts his gun on the bottom step, hurries over, and sits next to his daddy. Dean puts his little hand on his daddy’s knee, and tells him that everything will be okay. He doesn’t know what was wrong, but he believes what he’s saying.

Later that night, his daddy takes him into the kitchen and lifts him up onto the counter. He tells Dean that a demon stole his mommy and little Sammy away. Dean looks up at his daddy with big scared eyes, and nods his head. He feels tears prickling behind his eyes, and even though he saw his daddy crying, he knows that he’s not allowed. His daddy leans in close and whispers, “I’m going to keep you safe, Dean.” And then, he kisses the top of the boy’s head.

 

December 24th, 1983.  
Dean spends Christmas Eve and Christmas day alone in his house. His daddy tells him that he is a big boy now, and that he needs to stay at home when his daddy works. Before his daddy leaves for the day, he puts salt in front of the windows. When he leaves Dean puts it in front of the door, just like his daddy showed him. Dean checks his work a few times, his daddy told him that the salt is important, because it will keep the demons out. When Dean is satisfied he heats up chicken noodle soup for his Christmas dinner. He is proud of himself too, because he doesn’t burn himself on the hot soup when he takes it out of the microwave, and when he’s done he cleans up.

He watches Christmas movies until he falls asleep on the couch, his daddy comes home later that night, and it wakes Dean up. Daddy smells bad and is dirty, but he gives Dean a red race car, wrapped in blue paper and tells him Merry Christmas. Dean thinks it’s still a good Christmas, even though he misses mommy and Sammy a lot. When he climbs into bed that night, he doesn’t realize that the television has stopped working.

 

January 24th, 1984.  
Dean doesn’t know that it’s his birthday, but his daddy gives him another race car and a kiss on top of the head. Dean keeps the two cars safe, he puts them under his pillow when he sleeps, and washes them every day. Daddy goes to work most days and leaves him home alone. Dean makes sure to keep all the windows covered, so none of the monsters see him inside. He knows the television doesn’t work anymore, so he plays with his cars on the living room floor, and listens to his daddy’s cassette tapes.

Sometimes daddy stays home with him for days at a time. Dean likes those times the most, because—even though he doesn’t tell his daddy—he gets very lonely when he’s by himself.

 

October 3rd, 1984.  
Dean’s daddy packs two duffle bags in the middle of the night, and tells Dean they are moving away. Dean isn’t old enough to know that his daddy isn’t paying the bills, and now they were running away. Instead he tells Dean their going to find the monster that took Mommy and Sammy away. Dean asks if they can save them, and be a family again. Daddy tells his not to be stupid, Dean says he won’t be. He packs his two race cars in his little backpack. Dean climbs into the back of the Impala, he makes sure his seat belt is on, like his mommy showed him. His daddy comes out of the house a minute later, and gets into the front of the car. They drive away from the house so fast that Dean doesn’t see it burning down.

 

June 18th, 1986  
Daddy comes back to the motel with a man Dean doesn’t know. The man has dark curly hair and a big Polaroid camera. Daddy tells Dean he needs to take a bath, and Dean listens because he’s a good boy. He gets into the tub, and Daddy tells him that the man is going to help Dean in the bath today. Dean thinks it’s weird, because he hasn’t needed help since mommy was taken. “What’s your name?” the man asks. Dean squints his eyes at the man and says.

“Daddy said my name.” The man laughs and nods his head, and he smiles at Dean. His teeth a brown and crooked. Dean doesn’t know why, but he’s scared, even though his daddy sitting in the next room.

“My names Edison,” he says. “I’m going to take some pictures of you.” Dean frowns a little, but then he nods his head. The man takes lots of pictures, he gets Dean to stand up, and turn around. He gets Dean to bend over the side of the tub, with his bum in the air, and even though it all seems a little silly, Edison is nice to him. When the pictures are all taken, Edison gives Dean a candy bar, he gives John a handful of money.

Daddy smiles at the money, and looks at Dean. “You did a good job, bubby,” John says, and Dean smiles up at him. John hugs Dean tightly, and kisses Dean on the lips. Dean thinks it’s strange, because Daddy’s never done it before, but if it makes Daddy happy then that’s okay.

 

August 9th, 1988.  
Dean is nine-years-old when John stumbles into the motel room smelly, dirty, and holding a brown bottle in his hand. He gets Dean out of bed and puts Dean onto the bathroom counter. “Daddy?” Dean mumbles, and tries to rub the sleep from his eyes. John yanks Dean’s shirt open, and the buttons bounce across the floor, he watches one spin slowly before it falls.

“You’re too old to call me that,” John snaps, and yanks Dean’s pajama pants off his legs. John grabs Dean’s face, and holds it in one hand. Dean looks into his daddy’s eyes, and for a minute nothing happens, but then John moves him forward. He lets go of Dean’s face and yanks him to the edge of the counter, and then John fucks him and Dean can’t stop screaming.

When John finishes he carries Dean against his chest, the boy’s head resting on his shoulder. John tucks them both into the bed they are sharing. He kisses his forehead and then his lips. “You’re my good boy. I love you so damn much,” he mutters. Dean falls asleep that night, and even though his body hurts, he is happy. Daddy cuddles him all night long, and in the morning they shower together.

They go to a diner across the street, and Daddy lets Dean get apple pie for breakfast. They leave the motel after breakfast, and Daddy lets Dean ride in the front seat until they reach the next town. He even lets him leave the window open the whole time. Dean races his red car through the air as they drive down the highway.

 

January 25th, 1990.  
Dean is left at dad’s friend’s house, Bobby is a nice man, and he tells Dean that he met his dad in the marines. Bobby shows Dean around the cars he repairs, and Bobby’s wife Ellen makes Dean the best meals he’s ever eaten. Dean lies and tells Bobby that his dad still cooks, and Bobby asks if John’s gotten any better than when they were younger? Dean laughs and says “no sir,” even though he doesn’t know how his dad use to cook. Bobby grins and asks if Dean wants to play ball for a while, Dean agrees and tries not to look too excited about it. Ellen and their little girl Joanne-Beth play ball with them too, girls versus boys. Dean and Bobby let the girls win, and Jo brags about it all afternoon.

Ellen asks Dean if he wants to help her make dinner. He washes and peels the potatoes, and he helps Jo do the same with the carrots. Dean carries the dishes out to the dining room table, and Jo takes them from him and puts it in the right places. Dean gives her a high-five when they finish, and Jo tells him that she wishes he was her big brother, Dean tells her that he would like that. John shows up during dinner that night, and tells Bobby that he doesn’t have time to wait for Dean to finish eating, they need to leave now. Dean shovels in as much food as he can, he figures this will be the last good meal he will get in a long time.

He’s right.

 

May 12th, 1991  
Dean is told to go into the motel room and be ready. So Dean takes his key, goes into the motel room, and strips naked. He puts a bottle of lube and a condom on the bedside table, there is a chance that his dad won’t use them, but he leaves them there as a hopeful reminder. John comes into the room two hours later, he’s drunk and has another man with him. The man is tall and thin, with red hair, and dark eyes. John watches as the man fucks Dean, Dean doesn’t watch anything. He stares up at the water marked ceiling, and tries to make all the noises his dad told him to make when he was younger.

It’s the first time John sells Dean, but it’s not that last time. Soon it’s how they make a good amount of their money. Dean stops leaving the motel room when they are in a new town, instead he goes into the dirty room, gets undressed, and waits on the bed for the different men to arrive. Dean makes money, while John is out hunting monsters. Dean doesn’t mind, because when they climb into the car before they leave town, sometimes John tells him that he’s proud.

 

September 9th, 1991  
Dean wakes up to John bursting into the motel room shouting that they need to leave now. Dean gets dressed, packs their things, and takes them out to the car. John stands outside and watches for the monsters. The Impala peels out of the parking lot, and down the highway. Dean sees four police cars come around the corner and turn into the parking lot. They are too far down the road to see what they are doing, but Dean wonders if they are the monsters his dad is talking about.

 

January 31st, 1992  
Dean goes on his first real hunt with John, he thinks it’s because they don’t have enough money for a motel room this time. John tells him that they are hunting a Shifter, a creature that can change shapes. Dean rolls his eyes when John isn’t looking at him. The woman they find doesn’t look dangerous, but John ties her up, and tells Dean to go wait in the car. “Don’t want you to see the messy stuff,” he says, and ruffles Dean’s hair.

Dean does as he’s told, and waits in the back seat of the Impala. An hour later John comes out of the house covered in blood, with a cigarette lit between his lips. He climbs into the front seat, starts the car, and drives leisurely down the road. John changes clothes in the car, and then they get a room at a hotel that night. Dean doesn’t ask why his dad has money now, but he finds a dark red leather wallet on the floor of the car. The driver’s license says it belongs to Jean Hackel, and the picture is of the Shifter John killed.

John and Dean share a bed, “to save money,” John says. At three in the morning, Dean wakes up to his dad stripping him naked. For the first time Dean tells him to go away, and asks him to please wait until morning. John is so mad that he beats Dean unconscious. Dean wakes up alone in the hotel room, when the maid comes in and shouts at him to get out. Dean takes off, and she calls him a squatter as he runs out the room. He finds a piece of paper in his pants pocket, it says that his dad is a town over, and for Dean to start walking.

Dean finds the Impala parked half way down the highway, John lets Dean get into the car and tells him that he better have learned his lesson. Dean promises that he has, and that he’s really sorry. John fucks Dean in the backseat of the Impala, right there on the side of the highway. The leather seat is too hot against Dean’s bare skin, but he doesn’t say anything. When John is finished, he tells Dean to clean them both up, and make it fucking quick.

They set up in a motel in the next city they come to, they stay for two weeks, and Dean barely leaves his bed. A trail of men are in and out of the motel room, and when there isn’t a stranger in the bed, his father is there. On their last day, Dean showers the cum and blood off his body. He winces as the hot water pounds against his too sensitive skin, and Dean thinks that his dad is hunting the wrong kinds of monsters.

 

November 23rd, 1992  
Dean gets to stay at Bobby’s again for almost a full month. Over the last few years, he had been to visit a few times, but never for this long. He learns more and more about cars each visit. When they are out under the hot sun, Bobby asks Dean how school is going, so Dean lies that it’s going well. When Bobby is at work one day, and Jo is at school, Ellen finds out that Dean can barely read. “I knew your daddy homeschooling you was a bad idea,” she says to him, as she sits him down at the table. “How’s a boy to learn when he’s in a different city each week?” Ellen teaches Dean to read properly over the next month, he picks it up quickly, so they move onto Math too.

One night, Dean overhears Ellen telling Bobby that John isn’t a good father, so Dean packs his bag to run away. Before he can leave, Bobby comes to his room, and stops him. He tells Dean that they would like him to live with them permanently. Dean’s heart pounds in his chest, because it’s the best thing he’s ever heard. Even if he doesn’t agree with what they think of John. When John comes to get Dean, Bobby and Ellen sit him down and ask if he will let Dean have a real home. John starts yelling that it’s none of their business how he raises his kid. Dean’s still packed from the other night, and puts himself and his stuff in the Impala before the fight is even over. Dean doesn’t hear Ellen yell, “Mary just wants Dean back!”

John storms out of the house, and drives away like the world is ending. Dean looks out the back window, and sees Ellen crying on the front porch. Bobby is holding her against his chest, and Dean thinks that Bobby might have tears in his eyes too. He turns around so he doesn’t have to look at them anymore. John never takes Dean back to their house.

 

May 2nd, 1993  
John comes back to the motel room one night so drunk that he can barely walk, Dean holds him up, and leads him to the bed they are sharing. John starts crying as Dean helps him out of his dirty clothes. “You look so much like your mother,” he sobs, Dean looks at him, and nods his head. He’s heard it before. He starts growing his hair out, because it makes his dad happy the more he looks like his mother. His dad tightens his fist into Dean’s hair, tugs him down against him, and presses messy wet kisses to Dean’s face.

John says he’s going to fuck Dean, but he passes out before anything happens. Dean sneaks out of the motel room, he walks down to the gas station, and—with a few dollars he stole from his dad—he buys a Twinkie. He sits out behind the motel, with the only picture he has of his whole family, and sings happy birthday to Sammy. For the first time since they were taken, he prays to god that they died quickly and painlessly. He cries against his arms, until he has nothing left to cry. He gets up and goes back into the motel room, he strips naked, and crawls into bed with his dad. He hopes that John thinks they had sex, and he isn’t angry in the morning.

 

July 4th, 1993  
Dean’s 14 when he realizes that he’s never actually seen one of the monsters that his father kills. He tells his dad he is ready to help, and he needs to learn to identify them. John grins at him, and nods his head. For the first time Dean watches his father shoot down a werewolf, and blood pools around the body. Dean didn’t see the fangs his father swore were there, he doesn’t see the extra hair on the body either, but his father still grins at him and tells him that he did a good job. He takes Dean back to the motel room, puts him on the bed, wraps his hands around Dean’s neck and then fucks him. Dean passes out before John finishes, when he wakes up he’s covered in cum and blood. Dean’s not sure who any of it belongs too. All that’s left in the room is a piece of paper with coordinates, and a note that says; get here, two days.

Dean sets up on a street corner and sells the only thing he has until he has enough money for a bus ticket. He thanks whatever god is listening that he managed to make enough money by just offering blow jobs. He gets his bus ticket, and goes to the place his father instructed. Dean searches the small city, but can’t find the Impala or any trace of his dad. He curses under his breath, and kicks at the rocks on the ground. “Now where am I going to go?”

“Do you need a place to stay?” a man asks from behind him. Dean turns around, expecting to see a creepy looking guy, with a perverted grin. Instead he turns and finds a young priest standing behind him, Dean decides that doesn’t mean the guys not a pervert. The man is tall, with messy brown hair, and a goofy smile. Dean nods his head, and follows the priest to the small church. He figured he had nothing to lose anyway. The man is kind, and despite Dean’s original worries, does nothing that is inappropriate. He introduces Dean to a group of boys that have lost their families in some way or another. Some were runaways, some had their parents die, and some were taken from their homes. They were sent to this Church because Father Charles was an orphan, and good with children.

The man was silly and laughed a lot, he stumbled when he walked, and forgot parts of his sermons. The people in town whispered about Father Charles, and questioned how he became a priest at all. They said his name like it was an insult, and he was a mad man. The boys at the church thought that he was a mad man too, and so they called him Chuck, because they thought it fit him better. Dean hits it off with most of the boys, and for the next few weeks he has friends. He doesn’t have to have sex with anyone for money, and he manages to forget about his dad for a little while.

He becomes closest to a set of brothers, one his own age called Gabriel, and a younger one called Castiel. “We’re named after angels,” Gabe tells him one night, long after lights out. The three of them are sitting on Dean’s bed, with the blanket pulled up over their heads, like Father Chuck won’t notice them if he comes to check on them. “Dad was pretty bad, crazy religious, so I took Cassie here and we ran.” Gabe looks so proud of himself, but Castile frowns at him.

Dean thinks maybe Castiel doesn’t agree with what his brother did, but the boy just huffs and says, “Don’t call me Cassie!” Dean smiles at them, and wonders for the first time what his relationship with Sammy might have been like. The next day Dean gets into a fight with one of the older boys, to stop him from picking on Castiel. He knocks Raphael to the ground, and punches him in the face, Balthazar yanks Dean off of the other boy. Father Chuck lectures Dean about fighting, and sends him to bed without dinner, Dean thinks it’s the kindest punishment he’s ever received. After that, Castiel starts to follow Dean around the church. Dean finds that he doesn’t mind, instead he it makes him happy to have someone look up to him.

One night when Castiel and Dean are sitting awake, Dean calls him Cas, and the boy smiles brightly at him. “I like that nickname,” he tells him, so Dean uses it all the time, until even Father Chuck starts to call him Cas. Dean thinks that he could he happy here forever, even with the chores he has to do, and the lessons he has to take part it in. But, the weeks go by too fast, and one day Dean wakes up to John shouting his name. He comes into the room, and yanks Dean out of bed. Dean yelps as John wraps his arms around him in a tight hug.

“I’ve been tryin’ to find you for ages!” he says, and as John holds him, Dean forgets what life was like before.

“I’ve missed you,” Dean says, and he believes it. Dean packs his things, he can’t bring himself to look at his new friends as he does. Father Chuck helps Dean out to the car, he doesn’t say goodbye to the other boys. Instead, he climbs into the Impala, and looks at his hands. He doesn’t see Cas and Gabe at the window of the church, and he doesn’t hear Cas cry for the next week because Dean is gone.

 

September 12th, 1993  
Dean sits in the back of a public library and practices reading, John won’t let him read anything but his journal now. An older librarian helps Dean find the books that he would be reading if he was in school. He also gives him information pamphlets on a large selection of schools. Dean spends every morning in the library, the librarian lingering close, happy to help. Dean thanks the man by using the little money he has to buy the man a cupcake from a bakery across the street. The librarian laughed and splits the cupcake with Dean, they eat it together sitting on the steps of the library.

Dean spends his last night in the city tied to the bed, while the librarian who helped him that week, fucks him. “Such a pretty little slut,” he grunts, “I knew you’d be a good fuck as soon as I saw you. Been dreaming about you all week long.” The man babbles through sex. John beats Dean that night, because the librarian told his dad how he’d met Dean for the first time. Dean stretches out across the back seat of the Impala as they drive out of the city. John tells Dean he’d better not fucking bleed on the seat. Dean makes sure that he doesn’t.

 

March 11th, 1994  
Dean finds himself in a town that seems familiar, but he doesn’t know why. In the end he decides that it’s because it looks like every other town he’s ever been in. He walks passed the house he was born in, and only stopping long enough to note its state of disrepair, and wonder why no one bothered to tear down a burnt out house.

 

October 31st, 1994  
Dean is sitting alone in a diner his father left him at, he is drinking a coke, and watches a group of children in Halloween costume gather candy from the hostess. He thinks bitterly about how lucky they are not to know how terrible the world really is. That they don’t know about the monsters that his dad is keeping them safe from. There are a few parents outside the diner and Dean sinks down in his seat, because he knows they think they could keep their kids safe, but in the end they never could.

An hour later the waitress brings him a piece of cherry pie, and tells him it’s on the house. He decides not to look a gift horse in the mouth, and eats the pie with a little more excitement then needs. She clears away his plate when he’s done, winks at him, and refills his coke. Dean feels his face go red, because he’s not use to people being so kind to him. He starts watching the television in the corner of the room to distract himself from the restaurant.

After first there is a news story about a Halloween festival the city is hosting, he zones in and out while he watches. He tries to name all the monsters kids are dressed up as, and all the cities his dad has killed those monsters. When that story finishes it moves onto a story about a section of highway that the city is repairing, but before the report can finish it is interrupted by another story. The man on the screen announces that a serial killer that has been wreaking havoc across the nation, has appeared in their town. Dean sits up and watches to see if he can guess what kind of monster this killer his. His dad told him once that all killers were monsters of some kind or another.

The camera shifts from the reporter, to a body being wheeled from the house, and a woman covered in blood crying as she followed. He waits to see if they have more information on the monster, and the news flashes a sketch of the man on the screen. Dean’s heart sinks because his father is looking back at him, and for a minute Dean is so full of fear he wants to cry. He convinces himself that the dead person was a monster. He leaves a dollar on the table because it’s all he has, and walks back to the motel room. He knows he should wait for John to show up, but he needs to get himself moving.

He opens the motel room door, and finds his father on the bed with a naked little boy. The boy looks like he’s nine-years-old, and he’s trying not to cry. John looks up at Dean, and shouts for him to get inside, and close the door. John makes Dean hold the boy down as he fucks him. Dean looks at John with scared eyes and knows that his father is the monster, not the body. John goes to pack the Impala and tells Dean to cut the little incubus’s throat and leave him in the bathtub.

Dean lifts the scared little boy into his arms, and carries him to the tub. He puts him inside, and tells him to be as quiet as he can. “I’m not going to hurt you,” Dean mumbles, even though he knows it’s too late, and he already has. “I promise it will be okay.” Dean takes a container of dead man’s blood that his father keeps in case of Vampires. Dean scribbles a note and leaves it in the bedside table. Then he runs back into the bathroom, and empties the container on the boy. “You need to pretend you’re dead if the man comes back into the room. Don’t get out of the tub until a maid comes, okay? And when the police come get you to take you home, tell them there is a letter for them in the nightstand, okay?”

The little boy nods his head. Dean scoops some of the blood up and gets it on his shirt and hands. Then he grabs a towel and wipes it off again, he takes the towel with him, he prays that it’s good enough for John. His father looks at him, nods his head and grins, and then drives off as fast as he can. There is a news story playing in the city they end up in, a state over. John doesn’t see it, but Dean sees that the little boy is fine, and the police finally have a suspect.

February 16th, 1995  
Dean is walking through a supermarket, looks at all the discounted Valentines candy, and wonders if there will be much left tomorrow? He figures he could give a few extra blowjobs so he could buy a bag for himself. He shakes his head, and decides there is no candy in the world that’s worth it. He turns the corner and bumps into boy a few years younger than him. “Ah! I’m sorry!” the boy says, and waves his arms at Dean. “I wasn’t looking where I was going!”

“Don’t worry, it was an accident,” Dean says, and smiles at him. Dean notices the boy look around him, at a pretty little blonde girl walking with her mother. “What’s got you so distracted?” Dean asks. The boy’s face goes bright red, and Dean laughs.

“Her name’s Amy,” he answers.

“She’s cute,” Dean tells him.

“She’s awesome! And smart!”

“Why don’t you talk to her?”

“Oh, she would never talk to me,” he tells him. Dean shakes his head, and insists that the worst things that can happen, is that she says no. The boy nods his head, and hurries off around Dean to talk to Amy. Dean laughs as the boy stumbles through a conversation, he leaves when the boy’s face lights up with a bright grin. A week later as Dean is walking back to the Impala, he runs into the boy and Amy again. They’re holding hands, and giggling at each other. The boy stops Dean and digs into his pocket, “a thank you gift! I know it’s not that great, but I didn’t think I’d see you again, and it’s all I have!” the boy tells him.

“No, it’s great,” Dean says, after he’s taken the necklace from its package. Dean puts the necklace on, and grins at the boy. His dad honks the horn, and Dean waves a quick goodbye before he runs to the car. He tucks the necklace into his shirt, and hides it from his father.

 

April 6th, 1995  
Dean leaves another note next to a person his father kills. John is too busy getting cleaned up to notice it. Dean uses a napkin he had stuffed his pocket, he writes down his father’s name, and leaves the note on a table in the room.

 

May 4th, 1995  
Dean watches a documentary on serial killers, and another on the mentally ill. He reads through his dad’s journal, and he knows that even though his father is a monster, he is a very sick man. Dean starts sneaking to libraries again to read about mental health. He makes notes of all the things that remind him of his father. He’s hurrying back to the motel room when he drops his wallet, he stops and grabs it from the ground. The picture of his mother and Sammy stares up at him. He shoves it back into his pocket, but once he’s safely back in the room, he takes it back out and looks down at them.

He wonders if John was the one that killed them, if he was the monster that took them away. His heart aches, and a small scared voice in the back of his mind asks, are they even dead?

 

July 13th, 1995  
Dean and John speed through the country side, until John turns off onto a dirt road. He stops, and tells Dean to get in the backseat. John makes Dean poses for pictures, and when they’re done John chokes Dean until the boy passes out. Dean wakes up in some kind of storage shed, with canned foods and a few jugs of water. Dean doesn’t have the energy to panic, he checks the walls for a door, but the only one he finds is locked.

John comes around a few times a month, sometimes he has someone with him, someone willing to fuck Dean. John refills the water and checks the food stock while Dean makes him money. John beats Dean if he thinks he’s eaten too much. Dean becomes more careful with how he eats. Dean tries to use the can opener to get through the metal wall of the shed, but gives up when the can opener starts to bend. He decides that having a way to open the canned food is more important.

John disappears for almost six months at one point, Dean only knows because he counts the days through a small hole in the top of the shed. He figures he’s out in the middle of nowhere, because no matter how much he screams, no one ever comes to him. He starts to save his water as much as he can, and when it rains he collects the water that leeks into the shed. He doesn’t care if it’s disgusting, he needs it.

At first the smell of his own waste is overpowering, but as time goes on, he stops noticing it as much. That worries him. He tries to be as clean as he can, but finds that it’s impossible. He refuses to use the water to clean himself, no matter how much he wants to. He ties his too long hair up out of the way, so he doesn’t have to feel it on his shoulders anymore. He does his best to keep moving, and tries to find ways to work his muscles, but he can still feel the loss to his body.

When John comes back and opens the shed, he is revolted by how Dean smells. He opens a jug of water that he brought with him, and dumps it over Dean’s head. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” John snaps. Dean stares at him because he doesn’t know how to answer. John takes him to a motel after making Dean stand in the sun to dry off. Dean looks at his arms, and is disgusted by how they look. How his skin is too pale and the freckles are all gone. When they get to the motel and Dean starts the shower, he refuses to look at himself in the mirror on the wall.

As Dean showers for the first time in months, he tells himself he will do anything to not be locked up again.

 

March 1st, 1997  
Dean realizes that he’s 18-years-old, and it hits him hard. He’s sitting on the motel room floor, eating slowly. He had quickly learned that his stomach couldn’t take normal food yet. He puts his soup down and finds his wallet, he looks down at the picture of his mother and Sammy and smiles at them. “I’m gonna come see you both soon,” he mumbles. He goes into his father’s duffle bag and digs out a hand gun. He wonders how much it is going to hurt. John gets back before Dean has the chance to fire the gun.

“Dean what are you doing?” John snaps, when he comes into the room. Dean looks at him, and shakes his head a little. John takes the gun from Dean and pulls the boy onto the bed. John doesn’t say anything else, just holds Dean all night, they drive off the next morning. In the next city his father takes him for pie, and tells him that he’s gotten a normal job in this city. He will be working with an old friend, and fixing designer cars. Dean decides this is a good thing for his father, and thinks things might get better.

It doesn’t take long for John to get fired, he fucks his frustration out, and breaks Dean’s arm in the process.

 

May 30th, 1997  
Dean is woken up when his father, and one of his hunting buddies bursts into the room. Dean hates how often it happens. They fuck Dean at the same time, and his father’s friend cuts the word bitch into Dean’s back. When the two men have passes out, Dean crawls out of the bed, gets dressed, and leaves the motel room. He walks away from the motel, until he can see that the sun has started to rise, he decides that it’s time he finds a police station. He goes into the first one he finds, the man at the counter looks unimpressed with Dean, and Dean doesn’t blame him.

“Please, I need help, my dad… he’s been hurting people,” Dean says, as proof Dean pulls his shirt off. The police officer rushes Dean into an interrogation room, Dean falls asleep with his head on the table, and his arms folded like a pillow. He feels relieved for the first time in years. The police arrive at the motel room and arrest John and his friend. Dean doesn’t wake up until a police officer comes into the room and tells him they want to take him to the hospital.

When he arrives at the hospital they clean him up and take evidence from his body. The police ask him to testify against his father, he promises that he will, as long as John can get the help he needs. He tells them he doesn’t care where he ends up after this, but wonders if they can tell him when his mother died. The police officer promises to let him know. They send him to a foster home, even though he’s really too old to be there. He meets a boy his age named Benny. Benny tells Dean that the world might be a shitty place, but its better when you’re in love. Dean rolls his eyes and tells him he’s too young to know what he’s talking about. Benny laughs, and tells Dean he shouldn’t underestimate the heart.

Dean becomes close to Benny as the time passes. “Your hair is crazy,” Benny says one night, and glances at him.

“What?”

“You look like you ain’t ever cut your hair,” he answers.

“I-I… I dunno,” Dean says. “I just, grew it…”

“I can cut it,” Benny answers. Dean stares at him, and then he nods his head.

“I’d like that,” he mumbles. It takes them a week to convince their foster mother to let them cut it, but when it happens Benny is more excited than Dean is. Benny starts cutting as Dean stands in front of him, he stares at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, and watches the hair fall away. His foster mother comes to the bathroom door as Benny finishes, she tells Dean that the police are there to see Dean. Dean is taken into the kitchen to meet a pretty blonde woman.

Dean’s eyes go wide, because he had dreams of her all his life. She starts to cry as soon as she sees him, she stops herself from running to him, and instead wraps her arms around herself. She chokes out, “Hi Dean, I’m Mary, your mom.” Dean runs to her instead, he buries his face against her shoulder and cries until his throat hurts. He takes the little clothing he has, promises Benny that he will call as soon as he’s settled, and follows his mother outside to a little car. He climbs into the front seat and she drives them home. They pull up in front of a small house with a white picket fence, it’s surrounded by a garden. He cries again when he sees it.

Inside the house Mary shows him to a room that is made up for a four-year-old, she gives him a sheepish smile and says, “I decorated it when I first left your father… I’d hope to get you too.” She pauses and shifts a little where she stands. “But, we can talk about all this later. You can get settled first.” Dean nodded at her, and Mary leaves him to explore. The room has unopened toys from the 80’s, covered in a coating of dust, all clearly unmoved for years. There is some clothing in the dresser drawers, some look unused, and others Dean realizes were his when he was little.

Dean puts his duffle bag on the bed, it’s not big enough for him, but he doesn’t mind. Dean leaves the room later, when he hears someone arrive at the house. Dean wonders if his mother ever got remarried, and then he remembers Sammy. He hurries downstairs, and finds the gangly 14-year-old, that he realizes he recognizes. “You’re Dean!” he shouts.

“Sammy,” Dean mumbles, and then the boy throws his arms around Dean.

“You’re here! You’re here!” he shouts, and Dean wants to shout it back. He wants to shout about how Sammy is alive, and how his mother is alive. He doesn’t though, instead he just lets Sammy hug him. “You’re Dean! I can’t believe it! It’s amazing! Mom! Mom! Dean’s the guy that helped me with Amy!” Sammy shouts. Mary comes into the living room and Dean watches the two of them talk excitedly back and forth. He suddenly terrified of being with them.

June 1st, 1997  
Dean learns that Mary never did remarry, instead she got a job in a nursing home, and went to school at night. When she ran from John, she lived with her parents until she finished school and became a registered nurse. Sam went to an expensive private school, and Dean swelled with pride when he learns that Sam was at the top of his year, every year. Dean quickly learns that Sam didn’t like to be called Sammy, so Dean promises he would stop calling him it.

He met his Grandparents right away, they live just down the street and were over the next day. Samuel came into the house and Dean was sure he was a military man, but found out that his grandparents owned a bakery in town. His grandmother made the best pies he had ever eaten, and his grandfather embraced him the moment he had his shoes off. Dean wasn’t sure what to do.

When they have a moment, Dean and Mary sit down to talk. Dean doesn’t know where to start, so Mary starts. “I’m sorry,” she says. “I tried to take you too, but John woke up before I could… I knew that if I didn’t leave he wouldn’t let me have Sam either.” Dean watches her hands, as she reaches for him, but pulls away like he’s too hot. Dean wonders if she’s scared, after all John raised him, she has every right to be. When Dean doesn’t say anything Mary continues. “I packed the car when he was sleeping, and I got Sammy, he was in our room sleeping. I should have taken you first, you were such a good boy, and I should have known you could be quiet when I got Sam.

I tried to get you after I left, I really did. But John took you and ran away. It took me a long time to even find out what happened to you, I called John’s old Marine friends, finally Bobby and Ellen said you’d been there. Bobby told me that you were so smart, he even sent me a picture that he took. I-I have it in the living room next to one of Sam. I’ve been looking for you for so long, I was so scared you would be stuck with John forever.” Dean keeps staring at her hands. “Please baby, I just…” Dean finally looks up at her.

“Are you scared of me?” he asks.

“Scared?”

“He raised me, and now that the emotions of finding me have died down…” Dean mumbles, and gestures at her hands. Mary reaches out for him, she grabs his hands, and holds them as tightly as she can. Dean doesn’t stop her, even when it starts to hurt.

“I’m not scared of you Dean!”

“I wouldn’t blame you,” he tells her. Mary starts to cry, but she doesn’t let go of his hands.

 

August 12th, 1997  
Mary holds a clean, pressed suit out to Dean, he looks at it like he’s scared of it. She laughs and the smile on her face gets even bigger. “We’re going to get a family photo,” she tells him, “and I want everyone to look their best.” Dean keeps looking at the suit, because he’s never had one before, he doesn’t even know how to wear it.

“I’m not really sure…” he mumbles, “I mean… I don’t even really think I should be—”

“Dean Henry Winchester, don’t you dare tell me that you shouldn’t be in this photo. You are part of this family whether you like it or not!” Mary snaps at him. Dean bites his bottom lip, and then nods his head at her. “If you need any help with the suit, I will help you. Goodness only knows that I have tied a lot of ties in my life time.” They go for the family picture two days later. Dean manages to dress himself without any problems, but Mary does fix his tie for him. She smiles and rests her hand over it after she does.

Sam comes bouncing down the stairs a minute later, his tie is hung over his shoulders, his hair is sticking up at strange angles, and his dress shirt isn’t tucked into his pants at the back. Mary catches his arm before he manages to sprint passed her, and she pulls him back. “Good job there Sam,” Samuel says, and Sam rolls his eyes at his grandfather. They go in separate cars, Samuel and Deanna in one, and Mary takes the boys in her car. They end up in a small strip mall that screams of luxury, and extravagant living. Deanna points to a small shop on the very end of the strip mall, and smiles brightly.

“That’s ours,” she tells him. “Your mother will take over once your Grandfather and I are gone, and after that, you and Sammy can fight over it.”

“Sounds good,” Dean says, and he smiles at her. She laughs and walks through the door of the photo studio that Samuel is holding open. His mother goes next, and he catches a sad look in her eyes, before she is inside. Dean follows a few steps behind Sam, and he wonders if he said something wrong.

 

September 20th, 1997  
Mary hires a tutor for Dean instead of sending him to a public school. Dean tells her that school will be fine, and she shouldn’t spend the extra money. She tells him that she can spend her money anyway she wants. Dean thanks her, and secretly he is relieved because he’s never been to a real school. His tutor is a smart funny girl a few years older than him. He thinks she’s the most beautiful person he has every laid his eyes on. She arrives at 8 in the morning, Mary gives her a quick tour before she introduces her to Dean.

“Dean, this is Casandra,” Mary says.

“You can call me Cassie,” Cassie adds, and Mary smiles at her.

“I do have to go, I’m already late for work!” Mary says, and hurries off. Dean shifts from one foot to the other, and then sticks his hand out toward her.

“Nice to meet you,” he mumbles.

“You too, Dean,” she replies and shakes his hand. Dean’s face goes red, and she giggles.

“Enough of that, you two,” Samuel says from the living room. Dean’s face burns hotter, and he knows that his ears have gone red too. Cassie laughs again, and sets her bag on one of the kitchen tables. She promises to have Dean at his proper grade level by the end of the year, no matter how hard they have to work. Dean doesn’t have the heart to tell her that, short of selling his soul, that wasn’t going to happen.

She comes to the house every day, sometimes they are alone, and other times one of his grandparents are there with them. Dean decides that not only is Cassie the most beautiful woman in the world, but the smartest as well. He isn’t brave enough to tell her that, but it doesn’t matter, because one day, Cassie kisses Dean and it makes his heart leap into his throat. “You have to be the hottest guy I have ever met,” she says later that day, and Dean blushes. “That right there! When you blushed that’s when I knew you were going to be amazing.” Dean doesn’t tell his family, because Cassie is an adult, but the two of them start dating.

 

October 1st, 1997  
Dean starts working at the family bakery on the weekends, he had asked Samuel one night over dinner. He tells them that they don’t have to pay him or anything, but he would like to have something more to do with his time. Samuel tells him that he would be happy for the help. Dean doesn’t do much baking, instead he spends his time cleaning and ringing people through at the cash. When he isn’t working or spending time with Cassie, he hangs out with Benny. Mary jokes that they must be getting into all kinds of trouble, Dean just smiles at her, Benny tells her that his parole officer wouldn’t like that.

“He doesn’t actually have a parole officer,” Dean tells Mary.

“That’s good, I was a little worried,” Mary confesses. “So what is it you two get up to?”

“Nothing really,” Dean answers. “Just go to movies and stuff.”

 

December 24th, 1997  
Dean testifies against his father, even though it makes him feel sick to his stomach. He doesn’t sleep the night before, so he gets up and dressed before the sun has risen. He scans his bedroom once after he’s in his suit, it’s a young man’s room now. The toys are still there, just tucked in boxes in his closet, except for the two cars his father gave him. He has them on his dresser next to a cardboard box of cassette tapes that had been in the Impala. Dean looks out his window, down at the roof of the garage. The Impala is tucked away in the garage, Dean hasn’t looked at it since it was towed there. Mary had asked if he wanted it, and Dean couldn’t say no, because it was the only home he’d ever really had. He turns away from the window, he grabs his red toy race car and pushes it into the pocket of his suit jacket. He goes down stairs and sits in the living room, on a couch that’s more comfortable than any motel bed he had ever slept on.

The house is ready for Christmas, Sam rushed up the stairs and into his room one morning. Dean had been awake and out of bed before Sam managed to get the door open. Sam had paused in the doorway, and looked at Dean’s wide scared eyes, and then mumbled guiltily, “We are getting the tree today.” Once they were out in the forest, Samuel handed Dean the axe, and told him to pick out a good one. In the end, Sam picked the tree, Dean could see his brother’s hands twitching as they walked. The excitement coursing through him like electricity. Dean helped Sam strap it to the roof of Samuel’s car, then he climbed into the backseat, and sits squished between Sam and Deanna.

His grandparents would be over soon, he realized, as his eyes locked on the family portrait that Mary has above the fireplace. He thinks that he looks stiff and awkward standing between Samuel and Sam. Dean hasn’t been able to use the term Grandmother or Grandfather yet, no matter how much everyone pushes that he should. It makes his chest ache because when he looks at them, they’re still mostly strangers to him. He crosses his legs on the couch, and pulls the race car from his pocket, he spins it in his hands until Mary comes downstairs.

She makes him breakfast without asking him what he wants, maybe because she knows he will say nothing, or maybe because she doesn’t know how to talk to him today. He eats the pancakes she makes him, but only because he can’t stand the idea of wasting the food. They leave for the court house when Deanna and Samuel arrive. The trial goes on for too long, Dean reads in the newspaper that people are surprised by how quickly it went to trial. Dean thinks it should have gone to trial faster, and when he’s finally sitting on the stand, he looks at his hands. He can’t bring himself to look at his father, who has no tears in his eyes, and only looks angry. He can’t look at the rest of his family either, because there is horror on their faces.

He tells the court everything he had been through, he tells them of the extensive beatings, and how he was nine-years-old when John first raped him. He tells them how his father sold him for money, and how Dean spent most of his time living in the back of the Impala. He tells them the stories of monsters and supernatural evil that he was raised on, he tells them that, while he never killed anyone, he never stopped his father either. His lawyer can’t stop him from telling them that he is just as guilty as his father is. They show the court pictures of Dean’s scars, pictures of the shed that Dean was forced to live in, pictures of bodies all through Dean’s life.

John is sentenced to death, and Dean screams at them that John’s sick, that he just needs help. Sam and his lawyer grab him, to keep him from whatever he might do. John manages to break away from the police officers and he grabs Dean by the shoulders. Sam and the lawyer bother jump back away from the man. John looks into Dean’s eyes and says that Dean is a worthless pathetic whore. It’s the last thing his father ever says to him. Dean doesn’t have the energy left to cry over it, because no matter what anyone else says, he knows that John is right.

 

February 4th, 1998  
Cassie breaks up with Dean because she just can’t be with him anymore. She tells him it’s because of their age difference, Dean knows it’s because of his father, and how he was raised. She tells Mary that she will need to hire a new tutor, because now that she’s going to study journalism she doesn’t have the time. Mary nods her head, and tells her that it will be hard to replace her. She doesn’t ask Dean about it, and Dean is thankful. She hires another tutor, this one a man in his mid-30’s that Dean never remembers the name of, but he is kind and a good teacher. Dean focuses more on his studies, and works hard on the weekends at the bakery.

He fools around with one of the employees, Amanda, she quits when Dean tells her that there isn’t really anything between them, and that he was just looking for a quick fuck. She tells him that he’s pathetic, Dean tells her that he already knew that.

 

June 8th, 1998  
Dean manages to graduate, his grades aren’t high, but it’s enough for him. Bobby offers him a job at his Salvage Yard. Dean takes it without even bothering to talk to his family, he packs up and moves to Sioux Falls. Ellen insists that he lives with them, but Dean gets a small apartment instead. He works hard for Bobby, but doesn’t let himself get close to anyone.

 

March 12th, 1999  
Dean slowly tries to cuts off contact from his family and friends.

 

December 31st, 2000  
Dean goes home for New Year’s, and spends it sitting with his mother and grandparents. Sam was too busy with his friends to be there, but he called them at midnight, and shouted, “HAPPY NEW YEAR!” at them. Dean smiles with the rest of his family, he doesn’t feel the happiness that the others do, but he hopes that they can’t see that he’s faking it.

 

February 22nd, 2001  
Dean fills his bathtub and lowers himself into the water. He lies on his back and submerges himself in the warm water, he leaves his eyes open, and stares at the ceiling through the water. He can hear his heart pounding in his ears, and feels it get faster as he holds his breath until it hurts. He doesn’t resurface until his body forces him to breath and he chokes on the water he took in. He leans over the edge of the tub, and coughs the water from his lungs. When he catches his breath, he wonders if drowning would be the most painful way to die.

 

September 30th, 2001  
Dean is Benny’s best man at his wedding. During the reception Benny yanks Dean onto the dance floor, and puts his arms around Dean’s waist. “See things are better when you’re in love,” Benny says, and Dean rolls his eyes again. Dean pulls himself off the dance floor, and back to his seat. Andrea sits next to him, once she’s finished dancing with her father.

“We are moving to Sioux Falls,” she says softly. “Benny has partnered with Bobby.” Dean looks at her, and smiles a little.

“It will be great to have you around,” Dean tells her.

 

November 3rd, 2001  
Dean starts adding to the scars that his father caused.

August 14th, 2002  
Dean drives Sam to Stanford; they play the music too loud, and after Dean helps Sam unpack his things. When they’re done he hugs Sam tightly and says, “I’ll see you later, Sammy.” Sam punches him in the arm, Dean smiles at him without any real emotions.

October 8th, 2002  
The Campbell’s go to Bobby and Ellen’s for Thanksgiving that year. Sam brings an amazing girl named Jess with him. Deanna and Samuel bring more desserts then could possibly be needed. Mary brings the Impala. Dean stands in the driveway and stares at the car, he swallows hard and looks at his mom. “I thought… maybe you could fix it up? Make it good again?” she says softly, and Dean manages to nod at her. Bobby ends up driving the car around back, because Dean can’t bring himself to do it.

Once inside, Dean does his best to forget the car, so he challenges Jo to a pie eating contest. They make fools of themselves in front of Jo’s boyfriend and Sam’s girlfriend. Jess asks Dean if he has anyone special, and the room fills with so much tension that it makes Dean’s stomach hurt. He just shakes his head, “naah, haven’t met the right person yet,” he answers. He manages to defuse the tension, and they move onto a different topic.

When the night ends, and everyone is going to their beds in Bobby’s place, Mary stops Dean before he leaves and tells him how happy she is that he came.

 

December 29th, 2002  
Dean makes his bed, and decides that it’s the last time he’s going to do it. He goes into his apartment kitchen and pulls a bottle of bleach from under the counter. He climbs into the bathtub, and drinks as much of the bleach as he can. He can feel it burning and before long he starts to the throw up. He can’t make his body keep it down. He’s not sure why, but a minute later Sam is there. He is yanking Dean from the tub, and holding him on his side. A minute later there is an ambulance and paramedics. He is rushed to the hospital, and they pump his stomach.

His mother shows up the next day, and Dean stares up at her from his bed. She cries against the bed, and tells him that she’s sorry. She tells him that it’s her fault, that she should have been a better mother. “You did what you needed to survive,” Dean mumbles, and runs his fingers through her hair. “It’s gonna be okay,” he adds, even though he doesn’t believe that.

Dean is put on suicide watch, when the hospital finds the cuts he’s added to his body, and kept in the hospital for months. They wake him up at 8 every morning, and make him walk with a group of other people. Dean doesn’t talk to anyone, he just watches them interact. He watches some of them leave, and others get worse, he doesn’t know if he is getting better or worse. They monitor his meals carefully, and make sure he’s eating even when he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t get forks or knives, just two spoons. After a month, Dean thinks he would be happy if he never had to look at another hospital sandwich or bowl of soup again.

Sam visits him on the weekends, Dean never asks why he was at his house. Mary never goes home. She stays at Bobby’s when it’s not visiting hours. She asks the head nurse if she could take Dean for a walk outside of the hospital, the nurse tells her that Dean hasn’t earned that privilege yet. Mary walks with him through the hospital when Dean lets her, he can tell that she doesn’t know what to say to him anymore. Dean stares at the white floor ahead of him, and thinks that he doesn’t know either.

May 19th, 2003  
Dean is released from the hospital early in the morning, and Benny picks him up. Dean had begged Mary to go home, six months before, and hadn’t told her he was being released just yet. “You’ll be staying with me and Andrea,” Benny tells him. “And don’t argue with me, boy, it ain’t an option.” Dean doesn’t argue, instead he just nods and let’s his friend drive him to his house. Andrea makes Dean dinner, and tells him that he’s family. Dean cries for the first time in years, Benny wraps his arm around Dean’s shoulder, and lets the man cry.

July 2nd, 2003  
Dean starts working at Bobby’s again, Bobby and Benny make sure to keep a close eye on him. Dean lets them, because it makes them feel better about him. Dean thinks if he kills himself again, he’s going to make sure no one finds him.

October 10th, 2003  
Dean was assigned a therapist when he was in the hospital, and got a new one when he left. Benny makes sure to drive him to his appointments, to make sure that Dean actually goes. Dean thinks his therapist is a wind bag, but goes anyway. The woman tells him that “while things look bad now, it gets better the longer you hold on!” Dean tells Benny that night, that he needs a new therapist or his going to end up in prison for murder.

 

June 11th, 2004  
Dean is covered in sweat and grease, when Rufus pulls in with a 1976 Chevy Chevette attached to the tow truck. Dean chokes on his breath when he sees it, because he can’t believe that it was still running. Rufus climbs out of the truck as well as a rumpled looking man. “How quickly can it be fixed?” Dean hears the man ask. Rufus grunts in response and then points to Dean.

“Go ask him.” Dean rolls his eyes, adjusts his clothing, and then walks up behind the man.

“Hey, how can I help you?” Dean asks. The man turns around, and Dean chokes on his breath again. The man has wide open blue eyes, and messy black hair that throws Dean back in time. “Cas?” he asks, and the man stares at him for a minute.

“Dean? Dean Winchester?” he asks, and Dean nods dumbly at him. “Oh my goodness! How are you?” he asks, grabs Dean’s hand, and shakes it.

“I’m good, I’m good. How are you?”

“I’ve been better, my car—” Castiel gestures at the Chevy still attached to the tow truck, “it broke down while I was on my way through.”

“I’m not going to lie, Cas. I’m surprised this thing was running at all,” Dean says.

“I know it’s not a great car,” he starts.

“This isn’t even a bad car, Cas, this is an awful car,” Dean says, and it doesn’t feel strange to be honest with him. Castiel gapes at him for a minute, before he sighs and nods his head.

“Balthazar gave it to me, he said it would be just perfect for me,” Castiel confuses.

“Balthazar? You still know him?” Dean asks, and feels a bit of excitement rush through him at the mention of one of the other boys from the church.

“Oh yes,” Castiel says. “I’m still in touch with all the lifers. Balthazar, Luc, Michael, Uriel, Raphael, and of course Gabe. There are a few others that you didn’t know too, but obviously they don’t matter here. With Father Chuck we became a sort of strange little family.” Dean smiles at Castiel and they end up having lunch that day.

“You should come stay with me,” Dean says to him, when Castiel tells him that he will have to get a hotel room. He doesn’t know why he offers it, he just does. “If you want. It’s going to take a few days with the car anyway.” Castiel looks and him and then nods his head.

“That would be great,” he answers. They spend the first night Castiel is there talking until morning, Dean curses at himself and hurries off to work. In the end, Bobby and Dean declare the car dead. Castiel stares at it for a while before he tells Dean he has no idea what to do now. Dean looks at Castiel, who looks so scared and hurt, then he takes Bobby into his office.

“I’d like the keys to the Impala,” Dean says to him.

“Why?” Bobby asks, with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m gonna give it to Cas,” Dean says.

“You’re gonna give that car to some boy you met how many years ago?” Bobby asks.

“That car deserves better then it’s getting,” Dean says, “and so does Cas.” Bobby thinks for a minute, before he digs into his desk and gets out the key. He hands it over to Dean, and Dean, in turn hands it over to Castiel.

“Dean, you can’t be serious!” Castiel says as he stares at the Impala.

“It’s a good car,” Dean tells him.

“No! No I can’t, Dean! This is ridiculous!”

“Cas, you were one of the only good things in my life, please take the car,” Dean tells him, when Castiel looks at him a minute later there are tears in his eyes.

“Thank you, Dean,” Castiel mumbles, and hugs him.

 

July 22nd, 2004  
Dean and Castiel trade phone number, “to keep up,” Dean says, and Castiel grins at him. It doesn’t feel strange at all to let Castiel into his life, Dean thinks it’s because he was already part of it. Dean texts Castiel more often than he texts his family.

 

September 5th, 2004  
Dean finds himself invited back to the church for a reunion. Dean goes because Castiel tells him that he wants him there. Dean’s not sure why it matters so much to him, but he agrees. He meets Castiel at the church, and goes inside. He is greeted by Gabriel, who apparently didn’t get any taller, but had more energy now. There are people he’s knows, and others he doesn’t, but he has fun there. Father Chuck pulls him off to the side, part way through the night, and offers him a soft smile. “I heard about your father Dean, I’m sorry I let him take you back,” Chuck says, but Dean shakes his head at him.

“I wouldn’t have stayed even if you had tried to keep me. I couldn’t see how bad he was just yet,” Dean answers.

“You seem better now,” Chuck tells him.

“I am,” Dean answers, the words surprise him, because he’s not sure if he’s lying.

 

November 11th, 2004  
Dean gets a phone call to let him know that John was stabbed to death in prison. He takes the news with almost no reaction, but once he’s off the phone he vomits down the front of himself. He doesn’t bother cleaning himself up, instead he pulls off his shirt, and curls around himself. He texts Benny and tells him he can’t come to work, Benny tells him to take his time. He texts Castiel, and tells him that he’s scared. Castiel texts him back and tells him that he can come visit if he wants. Dean wonders how Castiel can just drop everything and be there for him. They don’t even live in the same city. Dean tells him he will be okay eventually.

The days drag on, and Dean thinks about how much he loved his father, about how it’s his fault that his father is dead. He feels the depression crash against him, it crashes against him, and his chest hurts like he was holding his breath. He goes through his phone and texts his friends and family that he loves them. Castiel calls him before Dean can turn off his phone. He almost doesn’t answer, but then he wants to hear Castiel’s voice again before he goes.

“Are you going to kill yourself, Dean?” Castiel asks, instead of greeting him.

“I-I… yes,” Dean says. His phone beeps in his ear, as someone else calls him, he ignores it, and listens to Castiel breathing on the other side of the line.

“I won’t tell you not to, Dean. If it makes you better, then you do whatever you need, but I want you to know that I don’t want you to go. I promise I’m here for you Dean,” Castiel says. The words hit Dean hard, and he starts to cry. He cries until Benny shows up at his apartment, he lets himself in with the key he made Dean give him when he moved out. He rushes into Dean’s bedroom, breathing heavily and covered in sweat from running. “I love you, Dean Winchester,” Castiel says. Dean grabs the words and greedily holds onto them as he hangs up the phone and Benny texts Sam, Mary, and Bobby.

 

January 18th, 2005  
Dean is referred to a group therapy program, every day for a month he goes to the hospital and meets with a group of people. He hates the idea of talking about his problems, but he wants to be better. He leans back in his chair, and listens to a girl just younger than him, saying goodbye to the group. Her time had reached an end, and the program encouraged people leaving to say goodbye.

“This might sound silly to some of you, but ever since I got here, I’ve thought of the quote; In the middle of the journey of our life, I came to myself, in a dark wood, where the direct way was lost. I think therapy is a bit like the Divine Comedy. I came to the program, and I was lost in the depression. I met my guide here, my therapist, and even though it was hard, I feel like I went through hell. Now at the end of the program, I feel like I’ve seen the stars again for the first time in ages… I’m going to another program, one where I don’t have to be here all the time, just once a week and that will be like purgatory. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that life will paradise when I’m done, but I think it will be better.”

On the way home that night, Dean stops at a bookstore and buys the Divine Comedy, he spends his nights reading it.

 

April 26th, 2005  
Dean’s spent more time in the last few months being unsure, then he had in a long time. He clings to the words Castiel spoke to him, and he wonders how the other man meant them. He plans to ask him when Castiel comes to visit him in a week. On the first night of his visit, Dean can tell something is wrong. He feels panic rising in his chest, and after a few hours, he asks, “Are you alright, Cas?” and mutes the television. Castiel shifts in his seat but won’t at look at him. Dean can feel the panic in the back of his throat now, it pulled all the moisture from his mouth, and burns his eyes.

“I’m in love with you, and I want to be with you!” Castiel blurts out, and Dean’s eyes go wide.

“What?” he asks, because it doesn’t matter that Dean thought about it, it still scares him.

“I’m no good at this! Gabe told me that I should just come out of the guest room naked one morning and you would take the hint. Balthazar said I should woo you, give you chocolates and flowers. Michael told me that my feelings were evil, and I should ignore them. Finally Luc told me I should just tell you for fucks sake, because a 12 year long crush is ridiculous, so that’s what I’m doing!” Castiel rambled. Dean stares at Castiel, because he can’t get his brain to catch up with what is happening. “If you don’t feel the same, and I’ve made you uncomfortable I will pack my things, and I will—”

“Cas, you said fuck,” Dean finally manages to say.

“That’s what you noticed?”

“It’s the only thing that I could grab onto,” Dean answers.

“Should I repeat myself?” Castiel asks.

“Yeah, that might help,” Dean mumbles.

“I, Castiel Novak, love you, Dean Winchester,” he says, his voice is so calm and steady. It takes Dean a few minutes before he nods his head, because it’s all he can do. “And that means?” Castiel coaxes.

“I think I love you too, Cas,” Dean answers, and once he’s said it he knows that what it is.

“That’s good enough for me,” Castiel says and shuffles toward Dean on the couch. “Um, can I kiss you?” Castiel asks.

“You’re gonna ask?” Dean says.

“Dean, I followed your father’s trail, and you’ve told me even more of what your life was like, I would never force myself on you like that.”

“Thanks, Cas… yeah, um, yeah you can kiss me,” Dean says. Castiel puts his hands on Dean’s face and pulls him into their first kiss.

 

February 12th, 2006  
Castiel packs up his life and moves to Sioux Falls, he tells Dean that when you’re an editor it’s not hard to be anywhere. Dean finds life easier when Castiel is there with him, because he wants to be better for Castiel. They share all of their life stories, and Dean knows that Castiel’s early life was hard too. They have matching scars, and neither of them judge the other. Dean didn’t think he would ever be so comfortable pressed against another person.

 

January 24th, 2007  
Dean wakes up to breakfast in bed, and Castiel peppering his face in kisses. “Mornin’,” Dean mumbles, and swats Castiel away.

“Happy Birthday, my love,” Castiel says, and Dean feels his face go red, because it doesn’t matter how many times he hears it. It’s still hard to believe. When Dean finishes with breakfast he goes to get ready for the day. Castiel stops him before he can get dressed, “I got Bobby to give you the day off,” Cas tells him, and pulls Dean back to bed. They curl against each other, and fall back asleep. When they wake up later in the day, they have gentle sleepy sex, before they get up and get ready for dinner.

Castiel makes Dean dinner, but the two of them pick at the meal as it’s being made, and there isn’t actually enough left for a meal when all is said and done. They eat what’s left right out of the pot, and then Castiel disappears out of the room for a minute. When he comes back he has his hands behind his back, and he’s smiling. “I have your gift,” Castiel says.

“Cas, I told you not to,” Dean says, and frowns.

“Too bad,” Castiel says, and he stops just in front of Dean. He pulls his hand out from behind his back, and unfurls his fingers to reveal a silver ring. “I was wondering, if it wasn’t too much trouble, if you’d marry me?” Castiel asks. Dean finds himself at a loss for words again, but a few minutes later he’s nodding his head. Castiel put the ring on Dean’s finger, and Dean kisses him again and again. He calls his entire family to tell them what’s happened.

 

September 18th, 2008.  
Dean stares at himself in his bedroom mirror, to try and see what it is that Castiel sees in him. A minute later Castiel comes from the bathroom and walks up behind Dean. “What are you doing?” he asks softly. “You should be getting dressed.”

“Isn’t it bad to see the bride on your wedding day?” Dean asks, and Castiel laughs at him.

“You’re my bride?” he asks.

“Sure, why not,” Dean answers.

“But really, what are you doing, Dean?” Castiel asks again. Dean knows that even if he ignores it, Castiel will keep asking, until he gets his answer.

“I’m looking at myself,” he mumbles.

“I can see that,” he says. “Why?”

“I’m… I’m trying to see it. What you see,” he answers, and he hears Castiel’s breathing hitch behind him. His arms circle around Dean’s waist and he pulls him back against his chest. “It’s not… I mean, I’m glad you see whatever you see, but… I dunno.”

“Do you want to put this on hold?” Castiel asks after a minute of silence. He rests his forehead against Dean’s back. Dean wonders if bitch is still visible on his skin, he’s always been scared to ask Castiel to tell him. “The wedding, I mean, not us. I’m not willing to put that on hold.” Dean feels himself relax in Castiel’s arms, and he smiles at his reflection.

“Damnit, Cas,” he says, and twists around to face Castiel. He kisses Castiel, like he’ll die if he doesn’t. Dean doesn’t tell Castiel that it’s true, if he ever stopped, he didn’t think he would survive. He doesn’t tell him, because it’s not fair to put that on another person. So, he thinks it to himself, and kisses Castiel more. “I never want anything to be on hold with you.” Castiel smiles at him, and doesn’t pull away until there is a knock on their door.

“Hope you two are getting ready,” Gabriel called through the door, and it makes Castiel groan. Dean gets his dress shirt, and hands Castiel his too. They head downstairs a few minutes later, and are met by their friends and family. The get married in the backyard of their house, the one they bought two months ago. Father Chuck does the ceremony, and only gets a few words wrong as he goes along. Castiel grabs Dean as soon as he says I do, and kisses him. Gabriel, Luc, and Benny all whistle and hoot at them. Dean feels his whole body go red. Neither of them care that it's not a legal marriage.

They have pie instead of cake, Castiel had insisted on it. When they go to eat the first piece, Castiel shoves Dean’s face into the plate like they are children. Dean just laughs, runs his hand down his face, and smears it across Castiel’s face.

Gabriel gets everyone’s attention while Dean is cleaning his face off properly. “I just wanted to say that I’m so happy to be here today, and that I got to see these two morons finally get together after the most embarrassing 12 years of my life. I can die happy knowing that Castiel isn’t mooning over a kid from the church anymore. It took me a long time, but I decided to sing a song for you tonight,” he says, and Dean groans. “It’s a classic, Dean-o,” he says and Luc starts the music. Dean and Castiel laugh too hard as he belts out “You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC” but he changes the gender in the words.

Everyone cheers when he finishes, and he bows before he puts on another song. Castiel makes Dean dance to “Wrapped Around Your Finger by Martyn Laight.” Dean makes Castiel dance to “Wrapped Around Your Finger by The Police”.

Dean finds Benny as the day is coming to an end, he pulls him aside and smiles at him. “I just wanted to tell you, that you’re right,” Dean says. Benny raises an eyebrow at him, because he doesn’t understand. “Everything is better when you’re in love,” he explains. Benny laughs a little, and claps Dean on the shoulder.

"I want that in writing," Benny says. Dean rolls his eyes, and pushes Benny's hand away.

"Don't push it," Dean says.

“I’m glad you stuck around long enough to find out,” he says.

“Me too,” Dean answers, and he means it.

 

November 2nd, 2014.  
Dean wakes up to screaming downstairs, he gets out of bed and runs down the stairs. In the living room he finds his four-year-old niece wrapped in her daddy’s arms. “Morning sleepy head!” Sam says, and Dean rolls his eyes.

“Mornin’ seepy ‘ead!” Mary echoes her father. Dean goes back upstairs and gets dressed, and when he comes back down Jess is in the living room, carrying her new born baby boy Robert and being followed by their older boy Ethan. Dean helps her get her bags to the guest room on the main floor, and then lets her get settled in. It had been six years since he had moved back to Kansas, and opened a second location of Singer Salvage Yard. Castiel had taken over the baker when Deanne passed away, and Dean had been thrilled to learn of how well he baked.

He wasn’t sure how it happened, or how he ended up where he was. He wasn’t sure if it was the years of therapy or Castiel and his family, but when Castiel presses a kiss to Dean’s check and mumbles “I love you.” Dean believes him. Dean lets his family get settled into his house, before they leave for brunch.

“I wanna go with Uncle Dean!” Ethan yells, and Sam nods at him. The little boy climbs into the back of the Impala, as Dean climbs into the front. He turns his key in the ignition and pushes in a cassette tape, and let’s “Back in Black by AC/DC” blare through the car. Ethan shrieks and claps his hands, and Castiel rolls his eyes. Dean looks at Castiel and grins at him, he leans across the front seat and kisses him quickly before they pull away.

Dean not sure how it happened, but he knows that he has never been so happy.


End file.
